leads to happiness, for one thing.
Sometimes, nah, often I get rather cross at Big Bear for being too lazy. Every Monday , to tell the truth. The one day he is home, poor guy and all he really wants is to be in bed longer and keep me there too. He wouldn’t mind at all if there weren’t any food, we can always eat slices of cheese and dunk cookies in milk.
It has reached proverbial heights (or lows) that right when I give in to his warm morning snuggles and am just about to nod off myself, one of our kids wakes up too sprightly that he must start to cry. I have to be off my feet just then , give comfort and arrange a quick snack. That starts it! My lawn mower of a brain, in defense of labor. My whipper-snipper hands ready to squeeze dry a day of all its slow pleasures. Rinse repeat.
I will go on! Proud of my little shiny happy people bouncing about, breakfast on stove and Big Bear with a childlike mouth slightly open, sleeping still on a delicious bed. From bed to kitchen without the transition of sitting on the edge while toes wait for knees to rise from slumber queers my thinking. I start to reckon what a perfect little bear , big bear is.On a holiday, he sleeps early, wakes up late , eats all that I make or don’t. What a wonderful unreal child he is.
One of my real children will make a face at whatever is there for breakfast and I will somehow force in a few spoonfuls. I will go on! Clean up when the new book I started to read feels terribly ignored. Big Bear will call me to sit with him, relax. Lie in bed for the children are fed. And me? I’ ll look at the trash he hasn’t taken out and think him lazy though my legs will quietly be thanking him.
I ‘d say we need a vacation, we need to go out. A surprised feminist tone saying” I have to do all that has to be done” ,I hear myself. Big Bear proves resistant to all my thoughts on virtue and utility . As I look at him while he is ‘bearly’ awake trying to pursue another reverie, suddenly enlightened he tells me , ” we are here.” His laziness brings my brain respite, nourishes my perpetual poverty of rest. I wish to sip tea, stare blankly ,completely content void of all content , enlightened and still sipping. I begin to yearn to deliberately do nothing.
I shouldn’t be cross when I can learn to slow down. Some things can wait for tomorrow. Or the next day. Big Bear rescues me. Time to set time free.